Talking about sex when you and your partner aren’t on the same page can feel awkward or even intimidating—but it’s also an opportunity for deeper intimacy and understanding. Here’s how to approach it constructively:
Choose a calm, private moment when you’re both relaxed—not during or immediately after sex. Frame it as a desire for deeper connection, not a criticism.
Example:
“I’d love for us to talk more about what we each enjoy and need when it comes to intimacy. I want us to feel close and connected in every way.”
Speak from your own experience to avoid putting your partner on the defensive.
Instead of:
“You never initiate sex anymore.”
Try:
“I’ve been feeling a little disconnected lately and I miss the physical closeness we used to have.”
Bring up what you like, what you’d like more of, or what you’re unsure about. Be clear, but kind.
Example:
“I really enjoy when we [insert specific activity], and I’ve been curious about trying [something else]. What do you think?”
Invite their thoughts, preferences, and feelings—without judgment.
Ask questions like: